These are My People

It's Pride weekend in Lansing & it has got me thinking about my people. When I say my people, I am talking about my lesbian people. The lesbian world is a diverse one. There are tall ones, short ones, fine ones, kind ones, lipstick ones, butch ones, sports ones, academic ones, and lesbians like me - the suburban lesbian. We suburban lesbians go to work, mow the lawn, pay the bills, read the newspaper, watch HGTV, subscribe to Netflix (where we search in vain for a decent movie about lesbians that does not end in suicide or an arranged marriage for one of the women). The suburban lesbian's date night is Saturday evening at their local Meijer. Yes, this is true. Lynne and I play "spot the lesbians" & we find it quite fun. Each couple gives the other the "nod" which I am sure is similar to the nod that is given by other groups as a silent acknowledgment of kinship. This is a type of gaydar and sometimes mine works and sometimes it does not, so if you are shopping with your heterosexual best friend & I give you the nod at least you will understand why I did it.

I'd like to clear up a few common misconceptions about lesbians:

1. We do not all wear Birkenstocks.
2. Every lesbian does not own a flannel shirt.
3. We do not love women because men would not have us.
4. Lesbians do not hate all things phallus. Hence the gazillion dollar dildo and vibrator industry.
5. We do not all want to change the spelling of woman to womyn & history to herstory.
6. We do not all go into the forest and drum.
7. Not all of us want to hang out for a week in tents at Festival, with shirts off & our boobs flouncing about for the entire world to see.
8. We do not all own cats - although most of us do.
9. We do not all drive Subaru's - mostly Honda's.
10. We do shave our legs -hm mm, occasionally

Some generalizations are true. These are:

1. After you come out of the closet, a toaster does appear on your door step. It's magic.
2. Many lesbians really believe that given a chance, their powers at lovemaking & supreme understanding of the clitoris will turn a straight woman into a gay one.
3. Lesbian committees can be so politically correct and inclusive, that a decision never gets made because doing so would marginalize somebody, somewhere.
4. Many lesbians think certain historical & literary figures from the past were lesbians when the facts are in dispute. These include Eleanor Roosevelt, Willa Cather and my great Aunt Louise (although I do have her "roommate's" antique butter churner & I'll be sure to pass it along to the next lesbian of my genetic clan)

Oh, I could divulge much more but I've gotta run. We are hosting a Pride Party tonight. I need to check out my flannel wearing rhythmically impaired sisters on the dance floor.