One size does not fit all

I went to the doctor today because my palpitations are freaking me out. I was not sure that she could do anything exactly but I was willing to pay my $30 co-pay for the opportunity to talk to someone besides Lynne about it. I guess I could have just given Lynne the $30 but she does not accept my Benny Card & I am all about pre-tax savings.

Anyway, I had to have an EKG. This involves applying sticky pads to various parts of my body. Particularly the front of my body - close to the organ that has been flopping around like a freshly caught fish in the bottom of your boat. This meant putting on a gown. This is bad enough when you have to wear it so it ties in the back but I had to wear with the ties in the front. The gown does not go all around my front. It barely goes around my sides. This also meant that someone besides Lynne was going to see my pasty hairy legs. Thank God, there was no need to examine my armpits. Survive the procedure. No worries. Except that half way through getting dressed I am interrupted with a command to get undressed and put that gown on again. One of my EKG lines did not squiggle. This increases my palpitations but at least I know I am not dead.

The EKG shows a LVH Cleft Ventricular Hypertrophy. It's a thickening of the left ventricle wall. Huh? Me? I'm only here today to talk about perimenapause and its stupid hormone fluctuations on my ticker. I'm here to talk about the stress of the merger & how I'm not sleeping. Give me the eat more veggies and exercise speech. Tell me to take a vacation. I'm not ready for something to be really wrong with me. Nothing is ever wrong with me. I'm an ox for heaven's sake.

I read a little about it on the Internet. It's caused by high blood pressure (which I do not have) or by extreme exercise (reading this causes me to laugh out loud) or some conditions that sound awful & some that don't sound serious at all. Another test is ordered to determine the thickness issue and lab work is done to rule out thyroid as a possible reason for the palpitations. I'm also told to stop drinking coffee. Good Lord - why would I ever consider doing that. That is completely beyond my comprehension - but I will. I guess. Maybe. I'll only have one cup in the morning. That's it. Really.

So, that's my story for the day. More later.

Why is the Michelin Man in my bathtub?

You know who was staring at me from that little shiny plate in bathtub? The Michelin man - except with boobs and not the new hunky sexy Michelin man that beats up gas pumps on TV these days but the old really tubby 1960's Michelin man.

This week, I absolutely hate being 46. I admit it. I also know this is temporary and in approximately 6 hours I will feel better. If you are a woman who has been menstruating for 34 fucking years you know certain things about yourself. One of those things is that you should never have a discussion about body image when you are pre-period or during the first 2 days of your period. Now if you catch me on an ovulation day. Well, then I am a big luscious full figured amazon. But I am not ovulating so you'll have to wait 14 days for that story.

What else should you not talk about when you are pre-period? I think any sort of personal growth area is off limits. As is any discussion about how you are like your mother. A loved one should also avoid reminding you of how you said you would never eat ice cream or Doritos again. You should not be asked to clean the cat box or walk the dog or do anything that you find remotely unpleasant and oh by the way I can not tell you what all of those things are. I just expect that you will know them all because, if you loved me you would be in tune with every thought in my head.

Can I get a wha-wha?

The Hardest Part of Blogging

The hardest part of blogging is finding an available name for your blog. I chose Musings by Ann because I got tired of trying to be clever. Sometimes you're not clever and you should just own it. You should also own it when you are clever. In fact, that thought in itself is kinda clever.

I decided to blog because at 46 I am realizing that I have said I wanted to do a lot of things but have not done them. Why are so many of us frozen by fear to try something - anything that is different or difficult or scary? Will I be the most charming, entertaining, thought provoking blogger of all time? Well, probably not but who the hell cares. Will I end up on Oprah, telling my story to millions or will they make a movie about me and how I cooked a zillion recipes in 1 year? I don't think so but, will I find a way to express myself & share my journey? Yes, and I will do for the simple pleasure of the experience.