You know who was staring at me from that little shiny plate in bathtub? The Michelin man - except with boobs and not the new hunky sexy Michelin man that beats up gas pumps on TV these days but the old really tubby 1960's Michelin man.
This week, I absolutely hate being 46. I admit it. I also know this is temporary and in approximately 6 hours I will feel better. If you are a woman who has been menstruating for 34 fucking years you know certain things about yourself. One of those things is that you should never have a discussion about body image when you are pre-period or during the first 2 days of your period. Now if you catch me on an ovulation day. Well, then I am a big luscious full figured amazon. But I am not ovulating so you'll have to wait 14 days for that story.
What else should you not talk about when you are pre-period? I think any sort of personal growth area is off limits. As is any discussion about how you are like your mother. A loved one should also avoid reminding you of how you said you would never eat ice cream or Doritos again. You should not be asked to clean the cat box or walk the dog or do anything that you find remotely unpleasant and oh by the way I can not tell you what all of those things are. I just expect that you will know them all because, if you loved me you would be in tune with every thought in my head.
Can I get a wha-wha?
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Rejoice, for you are not afraid to get into your bathtub! I am. I'm afraid I won't be able to get out. I'm afraid I'll have to call for help, reveal the real me stranded in a slippery, waterless tub like a beached sea creature illuminated by the ecologically correct glare of florescent light bulbs.
ReplyDeleteNo one told me peri-menopause could last up to, and often does, 6 freaking years during which I'd continue to have periods AND symptoms of peri-menopause. Double-dipped and it wasn't even my ice cream cone.
I always thought the "menopause" was the thing to be feared when in fact menopause is the gift, the release, the end of a long journey to the edges of Hell that we are yanked back from one day when it all goes away.
I don't remember the exact day I got yanked back, but you too will come out your tub one day not worrying about who was in your tub except glorious you.
Be proud that you can and do get into and out of your wonderful tub. A sublime experience to be savored, cherished and celebrated. A not so small life gift just for you.