She Scrubs Me Like A Rock of Ages

It seems that there is nothing seriously wrong with my heart except when I wear it on my sleeve or when it bleeds because I am a liberal. My echo report did show that little regurge thing but she is pumping along just fine. Doing what needs to be done & in a very competent way. The Dr said I was not the easiest patient to perform the test on because I am "big chested." I thought that was funny & something your middle school gym teacher might say when its time to start wearing a sports bra.

So, we are moving on to another theory which involved a thyroid blood test (again) & wearing a holter monitor for 24 hours. At first I thought the Dr said "halter" and that brought memories of being 14 and actually being able to wear a halter top. I don't think I ever wore one though. It would have clashed with my earth shoes, white painters pants & skateboard.

A holter monitor is a mobile EKG machine & it looks like something the cable guy would use to get your DVD player to communicate with your surround sound system. It has 5 lead wires that snap into suction cups that are glued to various points on your upper body. The wires are attached to a little black box that you stick in your pocket so it does not dangle around your knees. This is really not a problem if your pants have pockets, but going to the bathroom requires some forethought about making sure you remove the little box from your pocket before commencing to sit.

I was instructed to go about my normal routine and when I felt a blurp or flutter I was to write down the time and what I was doing. I had a idea. This could be a once in a life time thing - to see a printout of how hard your heart beats during hoochie. But since the Dr said to follow my normal routine & who has hoochie on a Wednesday (that's what Thursdays are for), I did not follow through on that. Plus, I'd be embarrassed to have written the word "sex"on the chart. For some reason I could not do that but I can write about it in my blog.

I also thought about provoking a fight with Lynne to see what that might look on a printout too but we did not have a fight until later the following evening, hours after the monitor came off (by the way, its my opinion that I did not provoke the aforementioned fight). So it was a typical uneventful day but I did find that I pretty much palpitate all day long. Probably, I don't palpitate during hoochie or when fighting but we'll never know that now will we?

All in all, wearing the monitor for 24 hours was not a bad experience. The worst is getting the glue off of your body. After much scrubbing on my own for a day and a half with little results, I asked Lynne for help (we were done fighting at that point). She took a pumice stone to a couple of spots. That's love.